Reversal of roles...Yin and Yang
I wonder if you have noticed that around middle age, there is a different set of emotions that men and women seem to have to deal with. Men begin to develop their capacity for relationships and come to terms with emotions, vulnerability, and needs, while women begin to become more decisive and action oriented and in the process, want to claim their independence, courage, power and wisdom. So around midlife, women seem to to be called to decide and do, while men are called to nurture.
This process is also called the "switch forties". You will notice how men in the roles of husbands and fathers begin a return to the values of home and family, as they get drained from their years in the 'work' world. At the same time, women as wives and mothers whose children are leaving home, begin to experience a pull towards the world of work. A switching of roles is taking place, but often we don't recognise it as such and call it the empty nest syndrome or the midlife crisis etc. A woman who has been in the care-taking role begins to want to establish her own independence through action and accomplishments. An impetus is provided to seeking employment, education, or a career.
While a man has often had enough of work and career, and recognizes the stifling effect on his personal development. So he now needs to open himself to relationships and emotions, but when he does, he finds no one at home, as the children are now independent and on their way out of the family, by way of work or college while his wife who may have eagerly sought his companionship earlier, when he was "too busy", is now, pursueing a business or life of her own.
The potential for significant relationship conflicts arises now, as these two people are crossing paths on different trajectories. They are moving towards the earlier interests of the other. Each person is in the process of integrating the opposite masculine or feminine energy. Men must incorporate the inner feminine with its call for relatedness while women must respond to the inner masculine and the need for action.
Thus Anima and Animus or Yin and Yang energies, can influence a person in either a positive or negative manner. If a man is under the influence of the positive anima, he will show tenderness, patience, consideration, and compassion. The negative anima manifests as vanity, moodiness, bitchiness, and sensitivity to hurt feelings. A woman with a positive animus shows assertiveness, control, thoughtful rationality, and compassionate strength. The negative animus reveals itself in strong opinions, ruthlessness, destructive forces, and "always the last word". While both men and women are on the path to their own integration, they must struggle with the interpersonal ramifications of the anima and the animus.
This process can be further complicated by cultural influences. The impact of the early women’s movement motivated women to leave the home for the work place. In doing so, these women had to take on a traditional masculine role if they were to succeed. They had to become competitive and more assertive. They had to internalize their emotions and be more "logical." As a result, these women at midlife may find that they have already developed the animus or the masculine energy. What they need to do is to integrate the feminine back into their lives. The men who have worked at being "liberated" have developed their feminine side and may need to catch up on the masculine.
The question that most of us face at this time is how can we blend the yin and yang in us, to benefit from it, than allow it to destroy us?...my struggle continues....
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